A fake interview between me and, well, a fake person:
FP: “So it’s your birthday today, eh? March 13th?”
Me: “Yep”
FP: “What year were you born?”
Me: “1972″
FP: “So that makes you like- 36?”
Me: “I think so, I’m not very good at math. The last few years it’s been getting harder to remember how old I am. The last time someone asked I had to check my driver’s license”.
FP: “Do you feel 36?”
Me: “I’m not really sure what 36 is supposed to feel like but most days I feel like I’m going on 14. Or 22. I think I’m like one of these dogs who has a long extended adolescent period. Like a labrador maybe.”
FP: “So what are you doing on your birthday?”
Me: “Working a little, playing a little, doing laundry (so sad). Will be joining friends later for dinner”
FP: “Where are you going to dinner?”
Me: “Do I have to tell you?”
FP: “yes”
Me: “Ok, this is kind of embarrasing, but I chose for us to go to Red Robin on the Seattle Waterfront. Normally every year I go to my very favorite restaurant (Bizarro) for my birthday but this year I am having a rare craving for a cheeseburger, fries and a milkshake. I also wanted to go to a place that had a full bar, and Red Robin is the only place in Seattle that fit the bill. I wish there was a cool place in Seattle that was like a 50′s-style diner that served all of the old fountain drinks, but with yummy alcohol mixed in, and possibly live music. Like a nice diner for adults. That would be so cool. But for now Red Robin will have to do. It’s a testament to my friends that I talked them out of Tamarind Tree and into Red Robin. Now that’s a true friend, lol”
FP: “Are you bringing pepto to dinner?”
Me: “No, but I have some at home for tomorrow”.
FP: “What do you really want for your birthday? What is on your list?”
Me: “You know, my family asked for a list and it took me a good 3 hours to come up with anything. I thought about it and realized that I already have everything I need. I’m pretty happy actually. I don’t have a fancy house, or a fancy car, or fancy clothes, but those things don’t bring me happiness. My true happiness comes in experiences. Experiences with people #1, experiences with animals #2, learning experiences, new experiences, good experiences, bad experiences….. ok, maybe not so much the latter. When I die I won’t remember how great my cars were that I owned, or how much I loved that Pottery Barn sofa, I will remember my friendships and the time I took that unplanned roadtrip to Eugene and the time I took my first hike with my dog. Ya know?”
FP: “So you don’t want anything?”
Me: “Actually, I’d like a goat: worldvision. ”
Me: “Oh geez, now you are going to make me cry. I can’t go to the Worldvision website without tearing up.”
FP: “Would a couple of chickens do?”
Me: “Absolutely!”
FP: “If you had one birthday wish, and money were no object, what would you wish for?”
Me: “A complete and final end to animal cruelty in the entire world. Starting now. Oh yeah, and for everyone to adopt their pets.”
Me: “Oh man, now you made me cry again. I can’t go to Petfinder without crying”
FP: “So how do you feel about dogs in birthday hats?”
Me: “ummm…..”
FP: “Do you think dogs should have a license to get married?”
Me: …..silence….
FP: “What about dying your dogs hair?”
Me: “………where do you get these questions….?”
FP: “What about buying fancy diamond necklaces for your dog?”
Me: “…. you’re weird.”
FP: “You’re weird too.”
Me: “I know (said matter of factly)……. I mean, how many people would answer questions posed by a fake person?”
FP: “Good point.”
Me: “Gotta go- phone is ringing!”
FP: “Thanks for the interview! Happy Birthday!”
Me: “Thanks! You too!”
And yes folks, I AM weird. Weird and proud. 
